Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

Erma Bombeck motivation thought motivationthought
Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

Hello, Welcome in a collection of quotes and sayings by Erma Bombeck on inspiration, motivation, life, people, positivity, dreams, forgiveness, mistakes, winning and goals. Our team gives you some quotes about Erma Bombeck. She was born on February 21, 1927, Bellbrook, OH. Erma Louise Bombeck was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers. Her children’s name Matthew Bombeck.

  • “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

  • “If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”

  • “Written on her tombstone: “I told you I was sick.”

  • “When humor goes, there goes civilization.”

  • “Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.”

  • “Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.”

  • “If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”

  • “Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. “Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?” Don’t you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?” Wasn’t there any change?”

  • “As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”

  • “You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.”

  • “My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

  • “Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, ‘No thank you’ to desert that night. And for what?!”

  • “Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.”

  • “Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.”

  • “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

  • “I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food”

  • “Laugh now, cry later.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”

  • “It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

  • “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”

  • “When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

  • “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.”

  • “Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”

  • “Housework can kill you if done right.”

  • “Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”

  • “All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

  • “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”

  • “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

  • “Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.”

  • “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.”

  • “Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?”

  • “Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”

  • “A child needs your love most when he deserves it least”

  • “Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

  • “No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”

  • “I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.”

  • “Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”

  • “Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.”

  • “Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.”

  • “Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip”

  • “If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”

  • “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “I don’t know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.”

  • “It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows”

  • “When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.”

  • “It was a bitter moment for us. We weren’t two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy’s permission, blessings, and money to survive.”

  • “Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”

  • “A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.”

  • “There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, ‘Yes, I’ve got dreams, of course I’ve got dreams.’ Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they’re still there.”

  • “Enter my first neighbor – a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn’t help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.”

  • “I’ve exercised with women so thin, buzzards followed them to their cars.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”

  • “Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.””

  • “One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.”

  • “Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.”

  • “Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.”

  • “Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”

  • “Families aren’t easy to join. They’re like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.”

  • “Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. ”

  • “Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can’t pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, “Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “I’ve always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby…”

  • “One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.”

  • “Every puppy should have a boy.”

  • “It’s frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.”

  • “You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I’ll show you an orphan.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.”

  • “No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.”

  • “Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.”

  • “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.”

  • “A child needs your love the most when he deserves it least.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “She’s as funny as a toothache”

  • “I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.”

  • “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

  • “We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.”

  • “Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrow’s questions.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “The grass is always greener on the other side.”

  • “I don’t think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.”

  • “When a man’s got cream in the refrigerator at home, he won’t go out looking for two-percent butterfat.”

  • “I loved you enough to accept you for what you are, not what I wanted you to be.”

  • “I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “arms weren’t flabby. He never used to yell at”

  • “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me” Erma Bombeck as quoted in A Christmas Blessing”

  • “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.”

  • “I brought children into this lousy, mixed-up world because when you love someone and they love you back, the world doesn’t look that lousy or seem that mixed up.”

  • “A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.”

  • Erma Bombeck Quotes In English

  • “When humor goes, there goes civilization,”

  • “Children make your life important”

  • “I’ve always admired parents who discipline their children in hushed whispers: “Arthur, you are a naughty boy for turning on all the gas jets. Now I want you to drag your little sister out into the fresh air, give her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and apologize. Don’t make Mama have to raise her voice.”

  • “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say… “I used everything You gave me.”

  • “All I know is I was possibly the only woman in the world dedicated to inner peace and tranquility who would end up with varicose veins of the neck from shouting.”

  • “When humor goes, there goes civilization”

  • More Author Quotes

    Visit For Mobile Detail

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *